Poetry: Selections from Jason Melvin

Animals

 

life is simple

when in the wild

feed    fight    fuck

it’s the other F word

         Feel

that fucks everything up

small

 

         the vastness of the blackness

         what an odd time for sadness

outside summer concert

the music moves us

trodden grass under our feet

surrounded by thousands     faceless

drunk     tired   wet from a sudden rain

smell of pot    strong in the air

a blanket under me

I lay back on the hillside

look to the overcast night sky

friends and strangers

just out of sight

the stage    the lights  

just out of sight

I hear the music

but stop listening

just to stare

         to be aware

of the vastness of blackness

no stars in sight

and feel so small

ghosts

 

is it odd I looked forward?

to the nightmares    that never came

I wish to see you again in dark corners

just to see you    Dad was everywhere

when he died    night after night

behind every closed eyelid

creeping in the shadows     of every darkened room

but we were children   and it’s been years

since I believed in

                                      ghosts

and now I wish I hadn’t stopped

I long for the vivid image of you strolling

through a room

             or my sleeping mind

  just   

                                          one more time

Feb 18th, 2021

         

         (my brothers first birthday, post-life)

 

today was supposed to be the big 5 0

a celebration that you made it

but you didn’t

all day I shoveled, searched for a spot

do I tuck it next to the spleen?

slide it under my appendix?

anything could be forgotten under an appendix

I could help plan the escape

being both prisoner and warden

but I can’t

 

one of the last conversations we had

centered on this day

a defiance of lineage odds, surprise that you made it

but you didn’t

I dreaded the call to mom

relieved when she answered laughing

playing a game with your children

something involving blindfolds and Play-Doh and llama poop

I called to be strong for her

She asked how I was doing

         Fine

               I lied

they were about to have honorary cake

Silent

 

I sit with silence

and the ghost of a headache

that accompanies the opening of my eyes

Daylight fights the fog

loses

Jason Melvin has had work published in Olney, Anti-Heroin Chic, Bombfire, HorrorSleazeTrash, Drunk Monkeys, and Sledgehammer. He was 2nd runner-up in the Heartwood Poetry Prize 2021 and recently nominated for a Pushcart prize by Outcast. When he dies, he wants his ashes to be placed in a new bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and resealed. Sticky googly eyes should be placed on the outside of the bag, so his grandchildren can shake and play with him. And if they open the bag at snack time, so be it.