Poetry: Selections from Garret Schuelke

“10 Year”

The monthly anniversary

sheet left the

"S" out of

my inclusion of

yearly anniversary's,

so it says

"GARRET SCHUELKE: 10 YEAR".

I said to

my coworker, Chad,

"I'm not surprised

at all – any

kind of special

occasion for me

always gets fucked

up in some

way.

I just hope

it's never bad

enough to completely

ruin my day."

I was surprised

though by the

lack of ceremony

compared to my

fifth year anniversary –

no certificate,

no special pin,

no supervisor I

can barely tolerate

to shake my

hand.

Just 1,000 spending

points.

So yeah,

VASTLY better than

the fifth anniversary.

Chad and I

are in the

lunchroom for our

first break.

Announcement comes over

the speaker declaring

it's time for

the weekly huddle

meeting.

We're on break,

so fuck that

dumb shit.

A manager walks

by and asks

us why we're

not at the

meeting.

We tell him

why, and he

mumbles,

"Well, you should

plan your breaks

around them,"

and walks away.

Before he's even

out of earshot,

we go

"PPPPPPPFFFFFFFTTTTT"

and laugh.

An absolutely Perfect

response, 10 years

in the making.

I can only

wonder what my

responses to managers

will be when

I hit the

20 year mark.

Moron Rising

Idiot has finally

done what he's

been claiming he

was gonna do

for months:

QUIT

Like what we

all do occasionally,

we just thought

he was talking

big in order

to amp up

his ego, make

himself seem principled,

or portray himself

as a innocent,

brave, persecuted worker

who was finally

telling the higher

ups to shove

it.

Goddamn, did Idiot

ever show all

us up.

His bloodline seems

to be stronger

than we could

ever imagine!

He said he

planned on getting

a job at

the Amazon Warehouse.

We tried to

talk him out

of it, since

it's not only

a harder job,

but there's no

way he'll get

away with all

the bullshit he

could do here,

due to their

surveillance, and being

non-union.

He shook off

all our warnings,

and we started

making bets on

how long he'll

last, and speculating

what EXACTLY would

get him shitcanned

from there.

Will Idiot freak

out over literally

being forced to

stay in one

area for an

extended amount of

time?

Will he fall

asleep in the

bathroom, and be

shocked to find

out that management

is closely monitoring

his toilet usage?

Will he just

straight up disappear

for hours at

a time when

he's assigned custodial

duties?

Or will he

just go off

into a dark

corner, or behind

a compactor, or

something, and pick

his nose until

a supervisor comes

across him, and

he gets asked,

simply, "WHAT THE

FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

While we wait

and see, we

promptly crowned the

new, official, stupidest

clerk in the

warehouse:

MORON

A much more

vicious nickname than

Idiot's, but she

possesses the one

attribute that Idiot

doesn't have:

Maliciousness

I first met

Moron during my

beginnings in G.

She sideswiped the

back end of

my mid-rider,

sending my stacked

totes to the

ground, spreading my

Christmas selections all

over.

I screamed at

her, but she

ignored me and

collided with another

clerks mid-rider,

sending their totes

tumbling, ignoring their

screams as well.

I reported her

to Player Supervisor,

who had just

started in his

managerial position.

He bitched her

out, and like

every other burnt

out Boomer in

this shithole, whined

about people picking

on her.

Moron has no

sense shame or

awareness of what

those around her

react to her

actions.

She will blatantly

under pick assignments - even

when there is

a line of

clerks behind her,

witnessing and complaining.

She will smash,

crash, and bash

into people, and

get in their

way as she

moseys along, or

talks on her

phone.

She will look

you in the

eye for a

few seconds to

insult and dismiss

you when you

confront her on

her behavior, then

act like nothing

happened.

Hence our nickname

for her:

She's Moron not

just because she's

dumb on a

base level, but

like Idiot, she

just does not

realize how her

stupidity affects everyone

around her.

Not that she

would care.

Unlike Idiot though,

you can sense

the possible tragedy

in her life.

She's constantly arguing

with her husband

over the phone -

loud enough for

all of us

to hear.

Chad was once

in the bathroom

dooking, and heard

her screech, from

her stall in

the women's restroom:

"I FUCKED YOU FOR OVER TWO HOURS LAST NIGHT, AND YOU'RE STILL BRINGING OTHER WOMEN TO OUR BED?!"

Her son, who

is a thug

asshole that goes

out of his

way to look

intimidating, spent his

short tenure at

the warehouse threatening

to beat down,

and straight up

murder, his co-workers,

before he finally

got fired after

threatening to intentionally

hurt himself if

he wasn't given

the day off

he requested.

And most of

the time, when

she's walking around,

she holds herself -

her arms firmly

wrapped around her

old, frail body.

It could be

a boiling summer

day - nearly a

hundred degrees in

the warehouse - and

she'll walk around

like she's freezing,

in her ancient

Reba McEntire shirt,

eyes to the

floor, lips pursed.

It's an image

that presses your

empathy button.

You start to

feel bad for

the things you've

said or thought

about her, even

if you are

in the right.

Then you're told

by a friend

that, for God-knows

what reason, she's

been going around

telling people that

you're a special

needs welfare case,

and all that

goodwill goes right

out the fucking

window.

We didn't know

what we had

with Idiot.

Rather than mock

him whenever his

belt broke (and

he looked like

he was jacking

off when trying

to repair it),

or roll our

eyes when he

told us why

dinosaurs never truly

existed, or bitching

about how he

never did his

assigned jobs properly,

we should have

been honoring his

hilarious laziness

and ineptitude, because

we'd rather have

that than the

meanness and darkness

that Moron spreads

wherever she goes.

GIVE US BACK

OUR DUMB LIGHT!

Even if the

bulb is dull

and constantly flickering.

The Covid Life: Holidays 2029

Seven Covid cases,

the most we've

had in one

week.

I don't even

have it in

me to crack

any jokes - I'm

legitimately disgusted by

how everyone in

this shithole warehouse

is behaving this

Holiday season.

Team members either

wear their masks

improperly, or only

put them on

if management comes

around.

They bitch constantly

about losing their

jobs if the

developing vaccine is

"mandated", and try

to act tough

by saying you're

a pussy or

just have a

weak immune system

if you catch

it.

Temps will blatantly

NOT wear masks,

never cover their

mouths when they

cough or sneeze,

and then have

the nerve to

talk shit,

or spew garbage

like "You know

Covid is just

a Chinese hoax

to defeat Trump,

RIGHT?"

Management will talk

a hard game

about forcing people

to mask up,

but will never

enforce any rules,

whether it's company

or government mandated.

But then again,

why would they

even try?

The company has

been making record

profits in 2020 -

every day is

basically like Black

Friday to them,

with how everyone

is panic buying.

And who's gonna

waste their time

trying to report

them, the multi-billion

dollar corporation that

will just pay

any inspectors off?

Seven cases this

week, in the

middle of the

Holiday season, and

I'm actually scared.

We're all stuffed

together in Mod

One.

I can't even

tell preciously how

many people we

have, but it's

enough that we're

barely able to

move, much less

select or make

space for one

another.

The track is filled with so many totes that it automatically jams the conveyor belt.

The compactor alarm has been going off for over ten minutes now, and is overflowing.

Empty boxes litter the shelves and floor.

The temp that's been screaming at people and making threats has yet to be fired despite all of us reporting him.

The annoying asshole working the track constantly runs up and screams to stop working due to product overflow

The special needs guy uses his hulking build and strength to just barrel down the aisle, not caring who he hurts because he's empowered by the nervous, angry energy emitting from the area.

I get a huge paper cut on my hand - one that I couldn't stop from slicing through my flesh like it was butter.

I stuff my

pick and selections

under the track

and run to

the bathroom.

I get the cut

under control, and

return to the Mod.

I see some

coworkers arguing with

Christian Supervisor.

I ask them

what that was

about, and they

complained that conditions

in the mod

were unsafe due

to the plague.

Christian Supervisor said

he didn't care,

and to either

keep working, or

quit.

Pretty rich coming

from a dickhead

who himself caught

Covid - most likely

from the mini mall-

based cult church

he attends.

I continue waiting

to recover from

my cut, and

really, who cares

about making rate

right now?

Seven people were

infected this week,

all because of

nonsense like this.

Shithole Warehouse has

truly powered up

to Hellhole Warehouse.

The outrage spreads,

and ALOT of

workers claim they

plan on reporting

the warehouse to

the State for

ignoring Covid guidelines.

I know there's

around a 99%

it won't work,

but I'll partake

in it as

well, because despite

how nihilistic this

Holiday season has

been, I still

got that spark

of Hope within

me that we,

the Proletariat, can

fuck over the

company just as

bad as they've

fucked us.

Garret Schuelke is the author of the GODAN series (Bakunin Incorporated), WHUP JAMBOREE: STORIES (Elmblad Media Group), and ANAMAKEE (Riot Forge Studios). He hosts The Garret Schuelke Podcast, and makes music under the moniker Neobeatglory. He currently resides in Grand Rapids, Michigan.