Poetry: Selections from Madeira Miller

Like a Woman

 

I looked up at him with big, watery eyes

which begged to be held like a woman.

 

I was like a puppy whimpering at his feet,

and in that moment, I was impossibly small.

 

I tried to dress like a woman

and talk like a woman: sophisticated, wise.

 

But when he hugged me goodbye

in the doorway, he held me like a child –

 

like his kid sister at the school bus stop.

He didn’t have to be so gentle.

 

I wrote his name on the inseam

of my prettiest underwear with the bow on it.

 

I powdered my baby-face cheeks –

girlish, garish, fervent, flushed –

 

flustered, when he grabbed my face

with steady hands. I was starry-eyed

 

on tippy-toes. I was breathless and still

when he told me that he loved me

 

and patted me gently on the head.

He loves me, but not like a woman.

Traffic Jam

 

I stood at a busy intersection

with my eyes closed and my fingers

plugging my ears and I waited

for you amongst the traffic,

and it was much like the time

that I flashed my tits

on the Mega Screen in Times Square

on New Year’s Eve,

and it reminded me of the time

I took a deep breath and hurled myself

off of the Golden Gate Bridge

as if I had white feathered wings

that would carry me to your doorstep,

and it was a lot like when

I bought all of that rope

from Home Depot and meticulously

tied myself to the train tracks

downtown, where I waited

for you to come save me

because that’s all I ever wanted,

just like when I tattooed

your full government name

across my forehead in Comic Sans

and chopped off all my hair

with your favorite kitchen knife

and pulled the fire alarm

in your dorm while you were

having sex with that girl,

and my God, I even bought matches

and set myself on fire right outside

your bedroom window,

but you never noticed.

Madeira Miller is a writer and poet seeking a creative writing degree at Missouri State University. Her work appears in ‘Dreamstones of Summer’ by WinglessDreamer, ‘Praised by December’ by WinglessDreamer, Every Day Fiction Online Magazine, F3LL Digital Magazine, The Gateway Review Literary Magazine, ‘My Cityline by WinglessDreamer,’ The Bookends Review Creative Arts Journal, ‘Sea or Seashore’ by WinglessDreamer, Bridge Eight Press, In Parentheses Literary Magazine, Dipity Literary Magazine, Abstract Literary Magazine, and Academy of the Heart and Mind Literary Magazine. Instagram: @madeiramiller