Creative Nonfiction: Little Blue Diamond

By Sadee Bee

I felt like I had been dancing for days, though it was likely it had only been hours. Dirty guitar riffs, heavy drums, and an unexpected laser light show shepherded me through that night. It began as a date, then became an unexpected journey through the nature of true experience. An outstretched palm, delicately cupping a little blue diamond, promised a voyage to the epicenter of happiness. 

 

No moment of hesitation crossed my mind as I arrived shrouded in sorrow. Nothing in my life sparkled as much as this offering. With the tart mix of vodka and cranberry, I washed down the blue diamond and basked in the warmth of alcohol, a glittering potion of its own—a fiery concoction to quench the nerves. Relieve the quaking in my bones. 

 

A flutter began in my stomach as the diamond nestled into the lining. Not of butterflies but of the creation of stars that seeped into my body. All too overwhelming to become the universe in a matter of moments. Such heat from these stars burned away the shadows clinging to me, filling my eyes with their luminescence. 

 

Thrust into the purest, impure joy, my bones have melted into goo. My body a slave to music. Time stretches into endless infinity, each song, each movement bleeding into the next. I am lost in the sea of serotonin, of gyrating bodies, and a laser show on loop. My only anchor, the pounding heart in my chest. 

 

This frenetic energy is overwhelming my senses. What once felt like freedom has become a prison of never-ending movement. The epicenter of happiness is too everlasting, all-consuming. I wanted to feel, though now I feel too much. My legs propel me towards the door, my lungs command clean air. Sound fades into the distance as I sink onto the pavement, chilly fall air gracing my cheeks. 

 

Stars seep from my eyes, evacuating my body as tears leak down my face. The sidewalk glistens with my lament as strangers walk by without a passing glance. I know this ride will end, as all things must. Happiness will fade and the shadows will return. I know now I prefer it that way. True happiness cannot be found in a concoction or from a little blue diamond gifted from a stranger's hand. Only from knowing that stars exist in the darkness too.

Sadee Bee (They/She) is a queer artist and writer inspired by magic, strange dreams, and creepy vibes. Bee can be found on Twitter @SadeeBee and on Instagram @sadee__bee