Poetry: Selections from John Grochalski

down’n’out in a tv star’s bar
 
you can’t keep food down
 
and i can’t keep the venomous shit-talk 
from spewing out of my mouth
 
a couple of hours from now
in the hotel room
 
i’ll apologize over a stiff drink
 
but for right now, 
here’s everything that’s wrong with you
 
not me
you
 
yeah, i know, if we were doing me
we’d be here all night
 
down’n’out in a tv star’s bar in philadelphia
a picture of the sitcom cast smiling down on us
 
and we really tried
to make it feel right
 
tourist traps and ice cream
selfies with big smiles on our faces
 
we almost made it the week
before reality hit and life crept back in
 
now, it’s tears and food untouched
 
pushing around dollars on the bar
trying to find the cash for round three
 
soul music
and sports on big screen tvs
 
you stumbling off 
to the bathroom again
to spill your guts
 
while i sit there
fuming…
over what, i don’t even remember
 
watching a couple 
at the other end of the bar
looking through a travel guide
 
excitedly pointing out the things
they’re going to do
 
happy
smiling
 
like us almost a week ago
 
when no one had the foggiest clue
of how or when 
or who was going to strike
 
and pick the other one
apart
 
almost to the bone.



josh
 
i
ran into my old boss alice
at a meeting
 
one of those self-reflective ones
the big shots like to throw at us from time to time
 
she gave me a hug and called me josh
even though that’s not my name
 
two and a half years we worked together
…and i’m josh
 
i guess i didn’t make much of an impression
and i didn’t correct alice
 
it seemed too awkward in the moment
 
maybe alice knows a josh too
and every time she sees him
she hugs him and calls him john
 
in the meeting
they made us answer four questions
 
what do we do effortlessly?
what about us amazes other people?
what will you sacrifice for?
what makes you fearless?
 
i couldn’t come up with any anything
just sat there dumb as a rock
 
wondering how
good ol’ josh
 
would answer
something like this.



aging (gracefully?)
 
look at him
 
looking
in the bathroom mirror
 
at the drooping gut
the wrinkles
the weathered skin
 
the long gray hair
 
vacant
confused eyes
 
searching
 
trying so hard
to convince himself
 
that it’s
just a phase
 
he’s going through.



pissers at the public library
 
there they are
the same six of them
 
night after night
 
standing in a crooked line
five minutes before closing
 
lights out
bladders full
 
all moving around awkwardly
like some fucked dance troop
 
caught in the shadows of the avenue
 
freeloading men
addicted to internet porn
 
wasting every day of their lives here
 
pissing it all
away.

                                              

afternoon bath of my youth
 
twenty-three-years old
 
drinking a beer
in the bathtub
 
watching
 
her taut
soapy ass
 
sauntering down the hallway
 
to turn up
the volume
 
on her new
 
favorite
song.





John Grochalski is the author of five poetry collections and three novels. He currently lives in Brooklyn, New York.

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