Fiction: Selections from Peter Cherches

 Hard Times

He had fallen on hard times, and his pants were threadbare. The seat had worn away, and he had no underwear, so his ass stuck out the back. When he walked down the street people would gasp and talk. “Did you see that guy’s ass?” someone might say, and another might reply, “Scandalous.” He didn’t pay any attention to what other people said. Maybe his bare ass stuck out the back of his pants, but at least he had one.

Accidental Death and Dismemberment

Mason was walking home the few short blocks from the bus stop, thinking. He had recently purchased an accidental death and dismemberment life insurance policy, but one thing was nagging at him. He wasn’t sure whether an accidental death had to be accompanied by dismemberment for the policy to pay out, or if was an either/or proposition—though he wasn’t thinking of Kierkegaard. He had checked the fine print, but he couldn’t find what he was looking for. He needed to call his broker, Skip Assad, the following morning to get the skinny. No point in worrying about it now. Then, as he was crossing the street, a car came speeding by and ran him over, a fatal hit and run. Luckily, the car dragged his left leg away with it, so he was covered either way.

A Noise

He heard a loud noise, but he couldn’t make out what it was. A gunshot? A lion’s roar? Thunder? A scream in the night? An unruly mob of angry ruffians? Feedback from a glam rock band’s microphone? A deadly car crash? A snippet of a spirited rendition of “Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay”? Cream’s “Toad” played at top volume by an inconsiderate neighbor? The end of the wo

Peter Cherches' latest book is Everything Happens to Me, an episodic novel about the misadventures of a Brooklyn writer named Peter Cherches.